Same old shit different week. Visitors can’t get a God damn break, Cobra posts the highest score and is still trying to trade away his whole team. Let’s just get this started all ready.
12. Charles’s IR Team
So these are just cold hard facts CIRT. Fact, you had the number 1 pick in the draft and he’s seen the same amount of NFL action this year as the number 1 pick in the World War II draft. Fact, because of this, at 649.00 points, you have scored the least amount of points this year amungst all 12 teams in the RBFFL. Fact, that doesn’t even matter, you have somehow pulled the shortest of straws on scheduling as well. After this past weeks dismantling by Cobra, you’re the first team to exceed 1000 points against and at 1140.50 it’s almost 200 more than the next poor sap at 942.50 and that isn’t even me. Long story short, fact, this was not your year. But you are getting that 1st pick back, supposedly, after the bye week this week. What does that mean? Nothing really in weeks 10 and 11 vs League toilet seats EbarMedia and The Visitors, but in week 12? against a bye week riddled Kekambas who’s refusing to save his season? You have a chance to play Houston Spoilers against them. Followed by week 13 and 14 matchups with Tailback and Rams House, and Isaiah Pacheco coming back to life by then too? Will the IR team get healthy in time to shake up the league? That Rams House matchup on the last week of the regular season is the most intriguing considering the untimely losses they have… CIRT can still be a factor in the league. Or sell everything for picks!
11. The Visitors
I did my math and brokered a late deal knowing that winning out could get me in the show. After all the wheeling and dealing I completely forgot to find my weekly defense matchup and plug it in, Giants or Bills I would have gone with, 7 and 12 points respectively they ended up with. I realized my mistake and figured, whatever, no big deal, I’ll end up with the usual 5 points and call it a day. Well -12.00 later and you’re looking at my 3rd loss from solely mismanaging my defense. AMAZING! Honestly I need to stop wasting my time with this power ranking bullshit and focus on my Visitors. Next year will be that focus, next year will be that year, unless I see a surge in league merch purchases, the stickers are awesome man!
9. Tie Ebar Media and Fire Sail
We’ll start with Fire Sail. Of course they’re going to lose, I’m setting the roster now. Rules are rules and like I said I will set the roster to the highest projected total. I would have liked to start Puka and obviously it was the right choice, but it also didn’t matter, there was no combination of bench players that would have beat Kekambas. More on them later.
EbarMedia
Ebar would have loved a heads up from the New York Football Giant’s organization that Tyrone Tracy was all of a sudden a bell cow back. The win was left on the bench in Tracy and a lot of fringe teams looking at those 5 and 6 seeds were hoping to see The Mint fall by way of EbarMedia. This week brought a extra 2nd round draft pick to Ebar as well as a possible keeper for next year in a blockbuster trade, but the emergence of Tracy this week may have just put Worthy right back on the trade market as keeper trade bait. This week you face off against the Cobra and we all wish you luck. Adjust that roster, maybe you can double rainbow his ass with AJ Brown off Hurts for the win?
8. The Mint
The Mint won on the most flagrant offensive pass interference play I have ever seen in my entire life. The best part was the explanation as to why it was waived off. They said the guy who was covering the alleged offender of the OPI blocked him into the defensive player that the offender interfered with. THE DUDE INTERFERRED WITH BOTH OF THEM, he literally blocked two defensive backs while Kittle just Moonwalked© into the endzone. Believe me I am no Cowboys fan, I’m also no 49ers fan, the NFL is way too in love with both of them and boy were they in a pickle in who they had to help out more in that game. But to destroy the integrity of a real league like the RBFFL in the process is disgusting and it breaks my heart. You inched by a bottom feeder by 6 points with a 6.5 point BS touchdown reception. I’m sure you’ll be angry about this rank but it is what the math says and the math doesn’t even know about the blown call.
7. Trevor’s 9th Place Team
Had to check if you changed your team name real quick, we’re good. With the win against the literally defenseless Visitors, you’ve maintained a solid chance to make the show. If you had the record with the other 5-3 teams you would take the last playoff spot today in Yahoo! tie breakers. Your road continues through Tailback this week. You’re getting healthy at the right time and could be a trade away from that final push. You’ll get your chance to prove your playoff worth by facing off against 3 (pretty much) sure things leading up to that point with Tailback this week, Cobra Week 12 and Kekambas the last week before we start our playoffs. Like I said last week, you and Cobra are the most consistent scorers with the highest bottoms. This is the best team with a losing record for sure.
6. Njigbas in Paris
Man Njigbas have had it rough. Remember when I was talking about how the IR team never had a chance because not only do they score the least but they get scored upon more than anyone? Almost 200 points more than the next club? Well, that next club is you. You, son, have had the second hardest schedule in the league and have still managed a winning record and, at this moment, a playoff seat. You also get a little break. After a tough loss to Cuchillos, you face off against the IR Team in what might be their last game without Christian McCaffery. Then you will matchup against a Visitors team that I know is actively looking for draft picks and trying to get out of it’s relationship with everyone on a cat based mascot team, for the right price. After that it’s Tailback, Sail, Mint and a rematch to end the regular season against Cobra. Hopefully you will have solidified your playoff position by that point, if not, your knockout game may come a week early…
5. Cuchillos y Gallos
Are Cuchillos for real? After 3 straight sub 100 point games, a streak that only (you’re not going to believe me on this but you can check for yourselves, I’m telling you The Visitors are not as bad as the record says) let me rewind, 3 straight sub 100 point games a streak that only Charles’s IR Team and, would you believe, RAMS HOUSE, can also claim this season. Since then, you have come alive for 3 straight over 140 totals, a streak that only you and Cobra can claim. Which is it man? We’ll find out this week when you face The Visitors. Are you more like Rams House? The only team to drop one to The Visitors or are you on the rise like a enchanted cobra from it’s basket?
4. Rams House
You took out Tailback this week to give him his second straight loss. Next week you find yourself in a predicament. Your beloved Puka Nakua will be putting up points against you as your Rams try to battle for a very obtainable playoff spot of their own. But a loss could cost you your driver’s seat in your fantasy playoffs. Dare you root against him? Your road is interesting young one. Civil war against Puka with Fire Sail this week, 5-3 record mate The Mint next week, very meaningful game. Week 11 the always venomous Cobra to a bends inducing Week 12 pillowcase EbarMedia. Kekambas Week 13 but a healthy IR Team week 14? This is going to be a fun one to keep up with.
3. Kekambas
So I’m sure you’re going to give me shit for this, you and Mint can team up against my spreadsheet all you want. The truth is you are 2 breakdown wins away from 2nd place. Tailback still has that power advantage on you. If we all played each other every week you would have 65 wins and Tailback would have 67, Tailback still has more year to date points and that gives them 2 power categories above your 1, actual record. Let’s get back to points. You know how we were talking about the hardest schedule in the league for the poor IR Team earlier? Guess who has the easiest schedule? 363.5 points less have been scored on you than the IR team. A league low of 777.0. I’m not saying the Kekambas aren’t good, I’m just saying they are also lucky. Take Njigbas for example, they are the next highest points against team in the league, but unlike the IR team, they have a winning record. If you had the same schedule as them, Kekambas would be 4-4. That really means what Njigbas is doing with their schedule is pretty damn impressive. So, what’s in store for you, the Tech Haters Bowl this week against the Mint. All the other 5-3 teams are rooting for you because there really is no chance for them to overtake you because you have melted marshmallow EbarMedia after that. Followed by a healthy IR team week 12, interesting, Rams House in need of a win week 13 and Trevor’s 9th possibly looking to win and in on the last week of the regular season. Great schedule can’t wait!
2. An American Tailback
2 straight losses and Trevor’s 9th needing to make it a 3rd for a real chance at making the playoffs. It would take an epic, Visitors like slide to get you out of playoff contention but I guess it is possible. I don’t see it happening though. You’re still our second highest scoring team to date but if Cuchillos keeps up their run who knows. They’ll have that chance to overtake you there in week 10, then you get Njigbas week 11, that should be interesting to see if Tyreek Hill comes back to actually score points against him. Then Visitors, Healthy IR and Fire Sail. Looks safe to me but, who knows anything anymore.
1. Marion Cobra Cobretti
Why are you still trying to trade? How much stronger do you need to be and what if it just screws you up instead. There is such a thing as chemistry. Sure wish Jacobs had a week like that when I was playing against you, that would have been a sure win for me. You’re by far the strongest team, best breakdown, most points, best record. But it’s not enough. Word of advice my friend, no one will trade the number one team at this point unless it involves a number 1, if you catch my drift. Your remaining schedule start with League Cotton Ball EbarMedia, and then a week 10 rivalry matchup with a Kekambas squad with something to prove. Followed by Streaky Rams House then consistent Trevor’s 9th. Round it out with recently surging Cuchillos and your trade buddy Njigbas. I think your ticket to the playoffs is stamped at this point it’s just figuring out if you’ll maintain the top seed. Play on playa.