Week 2

Week 2 and there are more injuries than a rodeo put on by the school for the blind. I say forget the preamble and let’s just get straight to it, am I right boys?

 

  1. (Tie) Monstars and The Tune Squad

Normally I break up the ties but these two are meant to be together. Tune Squad embodied the injury theme of the week and inspired the cover art. They had more scarlet letters on their team than a high school honors English class. Loveland, Moore, Williams and Barkley combined for 10 points. Thank God for that one Loveland catch to break double digits with your top 3 draft picks and keeper. And then it goes from bad to worse, next week you have to take you infirmary force on the road to face none other than defending league champion, The Visitors…. The better of the two alien themed teams in the league… The other being your arch nemesis who can’t even let you have last place to yourself…. The Monstars lost to the lowest scoring winner of the week in The Mint thanks to a Puka Nacua injury on Monday night that left the Monstars without many options. After watching what Davonte Adams did, it’s fair to assume the Monstars would have walked away with a win if they could have walked into the night with a healthy Puka. Monstars have an easier task next week as they take on Brock hit the 2nd Bower who might finally have his namesake healthy and in his lineup but will, unfortunately for him fortunate for the Monstars, still have Drake Maye behind center. It’s simple when it comes to the Monstars, if Puka is out you probably don’t have a chance.

 

  1. Smells Like Team Spirit

Here we are now, entertain us. Team Spirit made it a fuckin’ game on Monday Night. As I watched my 33 point lead dwindle through the first 50 minutes of the MNF game on Matt Staffords arm, a mosquito, my libido, I turned to my beautiful wife and said, ”30 yards and I’m done”. I needed someone to get hurt I told her, and I meant someone, not Stafford, not even a Ram, just someone so the fuckin coach will remember that people get hurt and there is nothing left to play for, the game is over, you have the win secured, just take a knee. And then it happened, a mulatto an albino, Giants Linebacker Brian Burns goes down with a serious ankle injury and everyone remembered, “oh yeah, people get hurt, let’s just take a knee and get out of here”. Honestly it was the Jayden Reed injury that saved my ass, you should have skated away with the win. You proved you should be feared last week and Dixon Yamada has no cake walk ahead of him as you prepare for your week 3 matchup.

  1. The Mint

The Mint is the luckiest winner of the week. You were our lowest scoring winner and after seeing all the injuries I assumed you must have been hit by the injury bug too to have such a low total. But you didn’t you did this perfectly healthy, I should have dropped you a rank just for being healthy and this shitty. But the truth is you already had your big loss with the death of Darnold last week so I’ll give you a pass. I am amazed to see you as an early favorite against our top scoring team of the week Rams House until I realized, he has no QB because Dart is also Deceased. So I came up with a plan. I noticed Rams House is the 14th waiver position. There are only 13 QB’s in waiver pool. Convince everyone to take one of these scrubs and leave the House empty at QB. That’s the only way you have a chance next week, but really even then, never bet against the House. EbarMedia was the #2 scoring team this week and still couldn’t beat him without a QB. The House always wins, and I’m going to call it now, Mint goes 1-2.

  1. Kekambas

Kekambas loss can be traced back to one NFL game. The anemic Bears/Vikings game. You went from almost 60 points from your big dogs in those games last week, Monangai and Jefferson, to just 12.5 total. And then on the flip side, your opponent had the fuckin’ Hairy Pairatestes to start the Vikings D on Da Bears after they dropped 59 a week earlier to net him 20 points from his defense, that is always a great day from your D. So does that mean Kekambas are a boom or bust team? I guess we find out next week when they face off against….

  1. Dolphin’s make me cry

D double M C was another team taken down by the Injury theme. For sure Jayden Daniels gets those last 5 points to win the match for DMMC but even more so, your defensive player…. I don’t think he’s playing? If you had pretty much anyone else on top of the free agent pool, you’ve won this match. We want to see some moves from you or you’re going to make all of us cry.

  1. Brock hit the 2nd Bower

You escaped with a win thanks to the previously mentioned injury and defensive player snub. You also get Big Cock Brock back any day now. You have one last cupcake matchup against Monstars before you see Rams House and Cuchillos in the weeks following. You better get that second win because wins 3 and 4 will be a lot harder. This is the team most likely to fall in the rankings and the standings

  1. The Visitors

I talked about the win I squeaked by Team Spirit in his ranking. I threw a respectable score up but it almost wasn’t enough. The news came in today though. The Copper Rush era is over. Michael Penix will be back on Thursday Night and Bijan will be the Bijan that has won himself back to back RBFFL championships and will win The Visitors Back to Back RBFFL Championships when he gets his third in a row.

 

  1. (Tie) Dixon Yamada

Number 4? That means this is a 3 way tie for 3rd we start with Dixon Yamada because that’s how we all got our start…. Dixon Yamada out pointed me by 1 last week and by .5 this week which is why they have such a crazy lead over me in the rankings, breakdown and total points. Also much like me they met their demise to Cuchillos after a putting up a decent score that would have beat 9 other teams this week. Just not Cuchillos. No injuries to blame, if anything injuries kept him in it this week. DY has a big matchup week 3 against Team Spirit who has proven they can score points.

 

  1. (Tie) EbarMedia

EbarMedia busted a Visitors by losing with the 2nd highest score of the week. Any other team you could have been scheduled against would get you the dub but the way it turned out you had to take the L against the House. I’ll talk about that more later. You have an interesting squad my friend. I’m not completely bought in on it yet. I like that there are less Cowboys than usual. One thing is for sure though. You were the joke of this league for many years and one of our favorite donors. You are no longer that. You are a contender and everyone knows it whether they want to admit it or not. You can solidify your position with a win week 3 against Cuchillos. He’s down a tight end so you’re obviously the early favorite. But you’ve never been the favorite and you’ve outperformed your projections. Out perform enough this time and you might find yourself in the top 2.

 

  1. (Tie) Electric Boogaloo

Boogaloo survived a single digit performance from his QB to skate his way past a banged up Tune Squad the continued to get more and more banged up throughout the week. So…. I think you lose man… I think you lose if the cover art doesn’t have a DJ Moore and Saquon being dumped into a WWII style mass grave and if Jordan Mason and AJ Brown weren’t already in that grave. So that makes your week 3 matchup very important, it is my game of the week. We’ll talk about it more later….

  1. Rams House

So Rams House is a puppet government at 3. You can believe they should be higher because of the Jaxon Dart injury or lower for the same reason. Allow me to explain. At 167 points this week they are less than 19 from outscoring Cuchillos week 1 186.5, Dart had 28 points week 1. So if Dart is out maybe they aren’t good enough to be 3? But they were the top scoring team when he saw just 1 series? What does it all mean? It means right now you’re 3, beat The Mint…. You’ll probably still be 3, he ain’t that great, he’s a Raider fan after all. Just keep doing what you do my boy. Score like it’s prom night all year long and get beat by your uncle when it counts.

  1. Marian Cobra Cobretti

Big win against your 2026 arch nemesis Kekambas but that’s over with, let’s talk about week 3’s game of the week. Cobra v Boogaloo. Projections mean nothing in a Cobra match because his team can change completely by the time we kickoff but Boogaloo is the early favorite. No Caleb, do the Bears get Swift and Monangai 50 points each? Battle of the Lions, who wins Gibbs or the Sun God? Maybe the Jets actually cover Amon-Ra and force Jamo and LaPorta into high use? Do the Flowers bloom in Dallas? Will it be the pits for Pitts? GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!

  1. Cuchillos Y Gallos

You squeaked by Dixon Yamada but it doesn’t matter how you win as long as you win. Your monstrous first week was enough to keep you at number 1 but you face off in week 3 against a surging and cocky EbarMedia. The last thing that guy needs is confidence. We’ve all spent the last 30 years continuously shitting on him to keep him in his place. I make him walk with his hand in my pocket when we’re in public and he’s starting to think he has a chance. It’s up to you Cuchillos to put him back in his place. Pop a squat on our favorite Cowboys fan and let it rip and solidify your place at number 1