Week 4

Tremendous week 4 found another win for a winless team. The Visitors are shaking things up with their high score of the week and the upcoming week 5 brings the first bye weeks of the season. It’s getting good boys, it’s getting real good.

  1. 1 Monstars

21 points from Lamar in the first half, on pace for well over 400 yards and then that last play of the half, he goes down awkwardly, kinda stumbles as he gets up. I’m thinking, no way did he just get hurt, right? And then he never touches the playing field again. That was for sure your win and it was snatched from you. Now, I know you hate it when I talk about math but it’s very special to me, and I did it. Throw in any combination of your bench players, even leaving in the injured Saquon, and you win. Plug it in for yourself. You’re coaching yourself out of your wins. You are Mike McDaniel. Week 5 you play a Kekambas team that is beatable but you’ll need to play the waiver game very wisely. Feels like one of those tight ends will be released unless the Ravens can get an “Out” designation on Lamar early for IR eligibility

  1. The Tune Squad

You took Puka from the Monstars and along with him you took their win. Please, everyone, join me in congratulating The Tune Squad on their first RBFFL victory. There seems to be a theme here. You get some Dixon Yamada you get a win. It’s the only thing that makes me wish mymada was still alive if you know what I’m talking about. You won without injuries crippling your opponent, just crippling bad luck. Week 5 brings you face to face, or more like ass to chest, of EbarMedia who started off the season on a high just to plummet back to reality. You have a great chance to put together a win streak and leapfrog into their ranking.

  1. Kekambas

This team has drawn the 2nd hardest schedule to date with Rams House being the only team with more points against. The House has managed a 2-2 record though, Kekambas, not so much and I think I figured it out. You traded for, at the time, the best tight end in the league. This rose the ire of he they who shall not be named. They immediately cursed you and demanded a plague on both your houses. Since that trade Dalton Kincaid has produced 2.5 points total and is now the 9th ranked TE in the league. I’M NOT DONE. Marvin Harrison has totaled 14.0 point’s since joining EbarMedia. Thus making EbarMedia the winner of the trade. EVEN SO! Since the trade, EbarMedia has seen a decrease in total team points of 58% Just from the bad juju wished upon him by the on who shall not be named. I’M STILL NOT DONE. EbarMedia received 2 players in that trade and had to drop someone to accept the trade, they eventually dropped the other player in that trade, Carnell Tate, who had 8.5 points to date prior to the trade. Since being dropped he’s put up 8 and 18.5 respectively for a total of 26.5 points. Marvin Harrison 14, Dalton Kincaid 2.5 a total of 16.5, Carnell Tate 26.5. So the winner of the (first) trade that was so contested by one person in this league is…. Whoever picked up Carnell Tate from Waivers. Let’s check who that was…. Awe Fuck! STOP COMPLAINING! They cursed your team Kekambas and EbarMedia, fuckin’ do something about it!

  1. The Mint

The Mint saw the same fate as Monstars where an early injury to their star really took them out of this game and you really had a chance. Except for that whole starting the entire Raider backfield stunt you pulled. I still think Ja’marr surviving the game would have pushed you over the top to knock out our, 3 week running, top Bulldog but leaving Pollo on the bench over a Raider backup wasn’t a step in the right direction. That’s almost EbarMedia level dedication to an overhyped team. But let’s look onto the future, week 5 brings you head to head with SLTS and we know you love SLTS. You are the early projected favorite but Team Spirit is riding momentum. It’s your job to bring him back down to reality.  

  1. EbarMedia

You read it in Kekambas ranking, I think you’ve been cursed by they who shall not be named. You were absolutely smashed by SLTS and came away with the lowest score of the week. You didn’t have a chance. So we look to week 5 where you’re matched up with a very beatable Tune Squad who’s Sunday night hero, Devin Lloyd, is now on Bye Week. Like I said, very beatable, this is your chance to break the curse and get back on track. Kinda all about who the Cowboys are playing right? Let’s see… Oh my, Thursday night even, worst team in football thanks to Baker being injured. I like your chances…

  1. (TIE) Smells Like Team Spirit

That is an actual winning streak for SLTS and you keep creeping up in these rankings. Wasn’t long ago you were in the cellar, look at you now. But you did get a gift by playing our lowest scoring team this week. Still a win is a win and you take what you can get in the RBFFL. Week 5 will not be as easy, The Mint is looking to come back to form and even your records up at 2 and 3. Get this, there is a world where The Mint, Kekambas, Dixon Yamada and Rams House all win creating a 7 way tie in the standings at 2 and 3, a 7 way tie for the last 2 playoff spots. It will take you and They Who Shall Not Be Named to win to keep that from happening. Good Luck!

  1. (TIE) Dixon Yamada

Yeah this is going to sound a bit like Kekambas. I think we were cursed by The One Who Shall Not Be Named as well. Ever since the former Visitors players put some Dixon Yamada…. jerseys on…. they’ve lost a step or 2 and the same can be said about Tyler Warren. The curse was made upon us but I took the extreme measure of creating The Mongoose Alter Ego to break it. You too find yourself face to face in week 5 against the former Cobra, They Who Shall Not Be Named. But they have lucked out to find you on Offensive MVP front runner Kenny Walker’s bye week. And your back up was IR’d it will be interesting to see what you’ve done when waivers clear. Only Derrick Henry putting the entire team on his back with Lamar out will save you. But maybe you can break your curse as well and make it happen.

  1. Dolphin’s make me cry

I will say this about DMMC, yes, you were the lowest scoring winning team this week but that is only because you had to survive yet another significant injury, this time to Rashee Rice before he could net you a point. That being said, this team would be 4-0 if not for the IDP debacle in week 2. That being said they have seen the second easiest schedule of the year with only 346.5 points scored against them, the only other team to see less than 400 points on them is Boogaloo at 321. So, what about week 5? You take on our 2nd highest scoring team of the young season in Rams House…. But you find them in 4 degrees of bye week hell. Bryce Young, Chuba Hubbard, Chiefs D, And Harrison Womanhater all on bye. Your schedule continues to be in your favor. I know I always bet on The House but ummmm…. Not this week.

  1. They Who Shall Not Be Named Because Their Name Changed At Least 3 Times While Writing These

What can I say? Seriously what can I say? Fuck I just stepped on an eggshell.

  1. Brock hit the 2nd Bower

I think 2nd Bower thought they were coming away with the top score of the week until Bijan, Bijan’d. But still 173.5 ain’t bad, Meatloaf would tell you himself, rest his soul. You battled the 4th highest score of the week. 10 others would have fallen to him but you prevailed you find yourself at 3 and 1 now with the defending league champs and your toilet bowl opponent DMMC, what a difference a year makes. More importantly you find yourself climbing the rankings. Now if you really want to make a dent in these rankings and the standings then look who’s coming up in week 5….. Cuchillo’s… and is that an early projection in favor of BH2B? Are you actually rooting for Brock to pee pee all over your beloved Patriots this week? I sure am…..

  1. (TIE) Rams House

Sorry to say but there’s no way you stay here next week. But if anyone can prove me wrong it’s The House. Bye weeks have me panicking for you. So like I said above you were the 4th highest score of the week but the scheduling God’s weren’t having it. You have been scored on the most this year by 60 points from the next team at 577.5. But you’ve also scored the 2nd most points this year at 559.50. The Power Rankings reward consistency above all else. These rankings are of who you’d want to see least in the playoffs. This feels right, the math doesn’t lie but the math can’t see that you have no QB this week, can’t wait to see who you pick up and more importantly, who you drop!

  1. (TIE) Cuchillos Y Gallos

Cuchillos perfect record was saved by questionable coaching and an even bigger superstar injury. Brother, you’re going to need Josh Allen to return to week’s 1 and 2 form if BH2B has another week like he just did. Let’s see, Bills play the…. Rams. Wow, that would be a 100 point game. I’m taking the over. I think I’m taking Cuchillos to get back to their number 1 rank form and put up a 150 spot themselves. This is my game of the————— well now wait a minute

  1. (TIE) The Visitors & Electric Boogaloo

As I’ve said before, I usually break up the ties, but how appropriate that our first place ranked tied teams are meeting in week 5? This shit writes itself. First of all Boogaloo has definitely benefited from the easiest schedule in the league as they are one of only 2 teams to have a points against in the 300’s and we’re not talking 398, we’re talking 321. But you’re doing your part too, you’re also 3rd in total points to date. You’ve yet to score the most points in the week but other than week 2 you’ve stayed in the top half of teams each week. This week you outshined the Kursed Kekambas but week 5 you face our top scoring week 4 team The Visitors. But you get them at a good time. TMac just got rolling and now he goes on bye week. Also, old man or not, billionaire poontang has revitalized Travis Kelce and he sits as the number 4 TE in the league… and he sits out on bye week as well. But I have one thing going for me. Goff, you can’t root against your own QB right? I feel you’ll be fighting a inner battle as we battle it out this week and ultimately it will come down to Jahmyr v Bijan. We’re tied now, but one thing is for sure, next week there will be a clear number 1. I fuckin’ love this shit.