What in the name of St. Oliver just happened in the last 24 hours? Ok let’s start with the fate of Fire Sail (Formerly Joe’s Victorious Team). So JVT went 7 weeks without as much as a peep on the group chat, suddenly a Diddy party erupted all over our faces and took the league by storm. His fire sale prompted immediate action by your esteemed Commissioner and I Donald Sterling’d his ass faster than he could call all his players “Njigba’s”, except his kicker of course. A full refund will be issued to him, and this is how Fire Sail will be ran: First, I will use Fire Sail’s top waiver pick to reacquire Puka Nakua. This only affects The Visitors (God Damn it) as they were the number 2 waiver position and certainly the team with the mindful enough owner to make and now lose this claim on him. Second, there are empty spots in the roster and this team is desirable and must stay desirable as this is a keeper league, I assume Shaheed is the value keeper on the team, so I’ve placed him on IR for the remainder of the season. I will fill the roster with free agents only, no further waiver claims will be made by Fire Sail. And if I’m up at midnight I’m nabbing early in the morning so be ready. 3rd, I will field the top scoring lineup Yahoo! projects for Fire Sail. This will keep Fire Sail competitive against each of us, which means… Lastly, let’s get serious here, Fire Sail is STRONG and if Puka comes back looking like himself, we could be looking at a vacant Champion. If this happens, I’M ALL FOR IT. If Fire Sail beats the odds and takes home the Silver Bulldog, the prize purse will CARRY OVER TO NEXT SEASON. $800 will go to the winner of 2025’s RBFFL season. If Fire Sail comes up a win short of the championship the second-place prize will carry over to next season and the 2025 RBFFL runner up will take home $300 USD. It’s not likely but if Fire Sail goes on a run and gets the best regular season record, that reward will not carry over to next season as that is being refunded to JVT and willingly eaten by the commissioner to ensure the integrity of the RBFFL. Ok the season’s longest preamble is over let’s get to the good stuff. Let it begin!
12. Charles’s IR Team
Ok so, bad news and bad news. Bad news is you’re the last winless team in the league. Bad news is you lost by triple digits. Bad news is it will take the most epic of comebacks to find a way into the playoffs at this point. The only glimmer of hope you have is that in week 10 we might finally see the first overall pick take the field but who knows. The 49ers have been so cryptic with this guy that who knows if that will even happen. Remember, you can trade for draft picks and start thinking about next year.
1. 1. The Visitors
Yup. The team so good that they’re number 1 twice baby. The Visitors absolutely demolished young Rams House. When you go into therapy and start telling them about how your uncle abused you, this needs to be at the top of the list my boy. The Visitors are ready to make a last-minute move towards the playoffs. They’re coming alive at just the right time. Half of the inspiration of this week’s cover art The Visitors hope to keep steam rolling right on through to this week’s opponent newly names Trevor’s 9th Place Team but are they 9th ranked? Keep reading to find out
10. EbarMedia
Looks like EbarMedia is ready for next year. With a trade for a higher draft pick, if it goes through, it appears they are committed to next year which is great news for the league. EbarMedia is a fan favorite that brings joy to us all. Except for Zeke of course, you made all the moves I would have with your roster this week and even switching out everyone’s favorite Cowboy 🤠 with the next best option, would have still landed you the L against the last iteration of JVT. This week you match up against your Minty master and you are the surprising early favorite to win. We’ll see what happens, this will be interesting for sure. Come to play baby.
9. Fire Sail
I guess not Trevor. Formerly Joe’s Victorious, in a RBFFL first of its kind, the league has taken ownership of JVT, given it a proper name for once, and we now have Fire Sail. Fire Sail is only this low on the rankings because of mismanagement. And considering the spaghetti you’re about to see next, there is a great chance they jump in both the power rankings and the standings in the weeks to come. I didn’t even notice that Derrick Henry was the highest scoring player in the league that’s not a QB and the only QB that is outscoring him is his own. Didn’t notice it because he’s been wasting away on JVT but not anymore, now he’s sailing away on Fire Sail.
6. Three Way Tie!!!! The Mint, Trevor’s 9th Place Team and Cuchillos y Gallos
What the hell, never seen this before on my spreadsheet let’s start with least likely to stay here
Trevor’s 9th Place Team
Only because you called it yourself bro. And because I plan on beating you this week. Unlike your rank mates you’re the only one that can say you’ve never scored below 94 this season… check that, only you and Cobra can claim that, and he’s been trying to trade away his team since it’s conception. That means you’re consistent, but unfortunately, you’re consistently matched up against a top half scorer as well. You’re not getting any breaks. You have to create your own luck. Am I surprised you’re at 6? No, I’m just surprised there’s a 3-way tie for 6th. I think you’re still in this Trevor’s 9th, no better opponent to have than me to get back in the swing of things, let’s be honest. Don’t give up.
Cuchillos y Gallos
Cuchillos was trying to hurt somebody out there, typical Steelers Fan. You are streakier than my underwear after Taco Bell Johnny Boy and that’s what makes you share this spot, you and Mint both. You aren’t quite the opposite of Trevor’s 9th you’re more boom or bust. You’ve won 2 close matches with slightly above average scores but then your other 2 wins are straight up massacres that my children should not be seeing. God damn it man, my son is in this league. And that’s exactly who you face off against this week. Njigbas V Cuchillos in the Webster’s SyllaBowl (would Syllable Bowl have been better? Naw I think I nailed this one) You’re the early favorite and I believe you’ll win, and I’ll explain why in his ranking. Read on to find out more
The Mint
So you are the polar opposite to Trevor’s 9th. You are the beneficiary of a soft schedule. One of those 4 wins was with a score of 66. Yes, you have good weeks but you sure as hell have your share of bad weeks. You fell to Cobra this week and he immediately traded away his highest scoring player that’s not a QB. I think we need to thank you for that. You got in his head? All hail The Mint. Like I said earlier, you face EbarMedia this week and they better do as they’re told. You lost a big one in Chris Godwin as well; this is a turning point week for The Mint. Turn it to more consistency and you’ll find yourself in the show.
4. Tie Rams House and Njigbas in Paris
Another Tie? Let’s start with, what does Yahoo! say….?
Rams House
Yup you lost to the lowly Visitors and inspired, may I say, my favorite cover art to date. Tiny assist from my little Njigba on the UFO, I was just going for the Tombstone, but the abduction was a great addition. He really is a chip off the old block. Superman has Kryptonite, Bruce Willis had water in Unbreakable and degenerative brain diseases IRL, and you have people named David. it’s OK. Each of the formers went on to do great things. You lost to your cousin last week which was not so bad because that team is strong but now you take the big fat L against your uncle, OUCH. It gets easier from here though, next week you match up against… oh.. An American Tailback,… who’s of the Jewish faith…., sometimes referred to as a son of David. Ooof!
Njigbas in Paris
So you’re wondering why I’ve already sold you out for the loss this week (read rank 6B). Like Rams House you were talking to your therapist already about the terrible things your uncle had done to you early Monday morning. But after looking Trevor’s 9th straight in the eyes and saying “NO, MORE!” Njigbas has now gone into 4 straight Mondays without a secured win and found that security with Monday night performances each time. But this week he has no Monday night players on his roster. I guess there is an outside chance you can secure the points you need against Cuchillos before Monday after your blockbuster trade with Cobra. But will the Monday night magic work against you? Gallos are perched on no less than 3 Monday Night Miracle Makers himself. Gotta wait to find out…
3. Kekambas
I’m sure you weren’t expecting this after knocking off our last undefeated team, but you literally beat him on his worst week to date, and on your worst week to date. That doesn’t move the needle unfortunately. Numbers don’t lie and this isn’t the win/loss rankings for crying out loud it’s the mother lovin’ POWER RANKINGS. Nobody wants a win/loss ranking am I right🧐? Yahoo! and I have it the same, Kekambas are number 3 and they are the unfortunate first opponent of the new and improved Fire Sail. Rightfully so, as you were one of the vultures who tried to pick the meat of the carcass that was JVT. Your sanction has not been decided yet, but it will be severe.
1. Tie An American Tailback and Marion Cobra Cobretti
Another tie? Holy Cow lets go with….
An American Tailback
Like I said, worst week of the season for you and you barely lost to Kekambas. You face off against Rams House who is an early favorite even though recently deceased and abducted QB Jayden Daniels is still his scheduled starter, and I am certain he will not be getting under center this week. I honestly think the fake injury is a excuse to not play against Caleb Williams and most importantly his lights out defense. Waivers/Free Agency will have options for him but he’s going to really have to manage this one. And does he really cheer against his Rams with the top option? Does the top option make it to his number 10 waiver position anyway? Find out at midnight folks!
Marion Cobra Cobretti
Will this make you satisfied with your team yet? You’ve made it to the top of the real rankings. You win, and you trade your best player. You’re a top team who’s thinking about next year. Why? Scheduling is sure in your favor, you’re getting the IR Team this week, McCaffery free, and EbarMedia next week. I’m into math but I’m not good enough to know when you’ll have a playoff spot mathematically clinched but it feels soon with your next two matchups. Looking into your future though, I don’t like your chances against Kekambas in Week 10, your bye weeks are a mess and Hurts won’t need to score against the Cowboys. If you both maintain your records up to that point this could be the point where he takes the bye week from you in the playoffs. You were the main offender in JVTgate and Sanctions are forthcoming. I think the keys to the road Zamboni will do it.
My God I’m glad this week is over, more drama than a Telenovela. I don’t want to have to do this again gang. Also, if you don’t like my solution to the prize or fate of JVT/Fire Sail I’m open to suggestions. Please send them to the official league email address found below.