Week 7 Power Rankings

  1. Drake Me Off

Big loss to Dolphins’ Country and with it you may have awoken a sleeping giant. Your matchup was a 5 day long cock tease as the projections kept fluctuating after every game session completed. DC to win by 5 to start the week, DMO to win by 10 after Thursday, DC to win by 3 after Sunday England, DMO to win by 5 after the morning slate, DC to win by 8 after the late games, DC to edge it out after Sunday night with a chance on Monday for DMO to make that last ditch effort that just wasn’t enough. Week 8 almost had you playing yourself as you tried to trade your whole team to Cobra, your next opponent. That was thwarted by Veto and now we’ll never see what it looks like when a snake eats it’s own tail. At the moment you’re the underdog but without a defense. Due to Bye weeks, this matchup will be much closer than we’d expect.

 

  1. Cuchillos y Gallos

Decimated by Bye weeks from your 1st, 2nd and 3rd round draft studs a win would have been a sure sign of an apocalypse. Best news for you is those bye weeks are now behind you. Gray skies have cleared up but they are leading you straight to Dolphins Country in week 8. You are a favorite but DC’s receiving corps is finally coming along and healthy. A loss to them will even up your records and though it would be a long shot, it keeps you both in a playoff hunt.

  1. Quinshon and Friends

Alright boy you asked for it and you got it. You think you’re so amazing because you had one good week. “I should be number 1 in the rankings” you can knock that shit right off. The rankings aren’t about one week, they are an accumulative of what you’ve done and what you can do. Facts are these, even after the huge win against Cobra with the highest point total of the year, you’re still the 4th lowest scoring team in the league. You’re inconsistent and look around, this was just a crazy high scoring week in general 1455.6 points scored across the league, only week 4 can you find another week where we broke 1400 and that was just barely at 1407. If you hadn’t put up 66.68 that week maybe we could have had the highest scoring week back in week 4. You’re not a number one team yet. As to your second request, “Look up all the scores, I’m the best ever” after adjusting your score in Yahoo! you scored 192.50:

 

That tied you with your Old Man back in the year of our lord 2016:

Tied your ass for 3rd place bitch!

2nd all time is Dixon Yamada as Sailor Surprise with 199 back in 2014:

But the best ever, drumroll please……:

Kekambas with 213 in 2015. You’re fine boy, but don’t tell me how to do my rankings. Shame on you! Who do you play next anyways???? Oh, he he he, good luck with that! You thought you were the shit, you ain’t even the fart.

  1. (Tie) Team TheMint1

A big W for the Mint against one of our top teams. Mint will have a chance to win every game with his stud RB’s Taylor and Barkley. Including this coming week against Kekambas where you are the heavy favorite. You’re also getting healthy as Scary Terry and Deebo should finally be at full strength together. Unfortunately who knows how long their QB will be out for and how much that will affect them. Mint like every other team is very much a contender for a playoff spot.

  1. (TIE). Kekambas

Our defending champ is hanging in there. They lost to the better team this week but still have a piece of the second best record in the league even if the best record is shared by a third of the league. Week 8 finds you very much the underdog to the team we just read about above. You definitely could have used your big dog St. Brown in this matchup but the bye week had different ideas. At full strength you have a chance to win every game, I just don’t think you’ll have enough to take Jonathan Taylor and his Minty fresh owner. Still the playoff picture is wide open, so many teams have the same record and if you lose, you’ll have the same record as your opponent. This is such an interesting season.

  1. Team EbarMedia

Honestly if you had lost to a team missing all 3 of their first 3 rounds of draft picks due to bye week I would have had to kick you out of the league or at least levy a heavy sanction. That said you still did it with the 3rd highest score of a very high scoring week. EbarMedia is still a joke but they’re actually a good joke now. Dennis Miller type of joke where you have to think about it for a few seconds and then realize, hey that was really funny. At the beginning of the season after the first few weeks, I’m sure you had week 8 circled as tough matchup but you couldn’t be facing Boogaloo at a better time, Injuries and Bye weeks have as a heavy favorite yet again. You are like last years Kekambas but instead of good teams just blowing it, you’re getting good teams at their weakest points. You’re like Hank and Bobby Hill when they went deer hunting at that fancy resort and they just walked a deer out to a snack tray with a target painted on it. Shoot ‘um while you can EbarMedia, I certainly won’t allow it to happen to me.

  1. (TIE) Dixon Yamada

Dixon Yamada got the better of The Visitors as he luckily faced off against them in their last week without Lamar Jackson. It’s ok though no hard feelings about Dixon Yamada. You hold your fate in your own hands this week as you have a chance to take down Nakua Matata while the number 1 and 2 receivers in points per start are at home enjoying their bye weeks. A win will get you to 5 and tie you for at least second place in the standings if not first. You also survived the Joe Burrow injury as it appears the other Joe actually knows how to use him. You’re in good shape and still a very likely playoff team.

  1. (TIE) Marion Cobra Cobretti

Cobra had the unluckiest pairing of the season so far as they were left gaping by Quinshon and all his girthy Friends who put up the highest score of the season to date. I haven’t written Q&F’s yet but I’m sure I’ve already said enough about this matchup up there so let’s talk about week 8. This should be everyone’s gimme win as you face off against Drake Me Off but, boy howdy, I’ve never seen a roster this decimated by the bye. Every player on your bench prior to waivers clearing was on bye week, it looks like you picked up something since but it’s nothing significant to the players you’re going to miss. And then you didn’t learn from this week as you were shattered by your own trade to Q&F who turned Bijan Robinson into the 2 Running backs that lead the way for this wallop. You just traded your star running back, JCM, to your opponent for a player who is also on bye week when you face him. Live and die by the trade, a loss this week could shock the world.

  1. Electric Boogaloo

The mighty has fallen yet again. The only thing that could destroy this majestic start to the season was injuries and this week you suffered another big blow with the loss of Daniels. Poor showings from Waddle and Odunze sealed your fate but Rashee Rice’s Return is a glimmer of hope even with Bucky Irving already listed as officially out for week 8. QB’s can get filled in week to week so I don’t expect you to not have a competitive chance in week 8 against EbarMedia but that Gibbs bye week sure ain’t helping when he’s pretty much the only healthy running back you have. Still you have a piece of the best record and it’s still EbarMedia, the incontinence diaper of our league. I still expect to see this club in the playoffs when the time comes.

  1. The Visitors

Dixon Mymada came strong. And The Visitors fell for only the second time this year. But when Lamar went down and I saw the bye weeks during the planned outage, I saw 3 weeks that I was hoping to at least win 1 of. I got out of it with just one loss instead. The Visitors have already had their hardest challenges of the year and still have a piece of the best record. It should be smooth sailing from here on out all the way to the playoffs

  1. Nakua Matata

 Injuries be damned NM brought the heat to Kekambas for their second straight win and with The Visitors and Boogaloo falling to their foes, you finally got a piece of the best record. Still not enough to take the top spot though this week. I’ve heard stories of you having the worst QB room in the league yet your back up would have outscored all of our starters and your starter was the highest scoring QB of the week. But Lamar should be back this week to regain that title so enjoy it now. No let’s put the glaze aside because this ain’t Krispy Kreme. Week 8 will be a tough one for you, your bye weeks are significant and you are the early underdog against Dixon Yamada. We’ll see if you can overcome and finally take the top spot for yourself

  1. Dolphin’s Country

I quote the late great fat Lizzo when I say, “it’s about damn time.” You inspired my cover art this week and for that you’re my number one because I think it’s one of my best yet. 21 straight losses in the RBFFL but you stopped it from being 22 with a win against DMO. Lamb is back, Higgins seems to be well used by Uncle Flacco, Skattebo has not shot himself in the heart yet due to CTE. This is your time to take back the league. You face Cuchillos next and you certainly would rather have seen him in his bye week hell this past week but a full strength victory will reestablish Dolphins Country as a threat to the rest of us. Nothing is over yet and nothing is decided. Our most popular record is the 5-2 best record held by 4 of us. A loss by all of those teams next week could have as many as 7 teams at 5 and 3 when I sit down to write next week. Keep up the fight everyone!