I apologize for the tardy rankings and I’m not talking about EbarMedia. The World Series, work, fatherhood and Fortnite combined for the perfect storm of late rankings. Anyway, our last 2 survivors survived…BORING!. But the rankings… That’s a different story, more movement than my bowels after an all dairy meal. Let’s not wait any longer and let’s get to the rankings.
- Drake Me Off
Our second lowest scoring team of the week played our second highest scoring team of the week and that is a recipe for Drake Me Off to continue their life at the bottom of the rankings. When I play my matchups I like to see my positions scoring more the than my opponents counterpart. If my QB did better than theirs, that’s a good start, 1 of 2 Running Backs, I’ll take it and so on. The key to this loss was the vast difference, pun intended for a wiener joke, between your defense’s. 43 points separated your and the Cobras defense. I don’t think anyone could come back from that. This week you match with The Mint and his Saquonless squad but Jonathan Taylor is a one man wrecking crew who would have outscored your entire starting lineup minus your QB. Doesn’t look good for DMO.
- Dolphin’s Country
DC would have taken down 7 teams this week including 2 winning teams. But the bad luck came back after their epic week 7 win. You lost your match, you lost the keeper of the year and his shit is so jacked up I’d be amazed if he ever played the game of football again, and you lost only because your formerly top 5 defense put up a negative because they faced the greatest team on Earth. Breece Hall emerged this week but just in time for his bye week. You currently have the lowest projection of winning in week 9 that I’ve ever seen. Yes, most of your team is injured or on bye but still I don’t see a W in your week 9 future.
- Cuchillos y Gallos
James Cooked all over Carolina’s defense and led you to your 3rd win of the season and right back in the playoff hunt. Your team is on the rise and has a chance at a statement win in week 9 as you face off against year to date top scorer Nakua Matata. This is the matchup we will all be looking at this week.
- Kekambas
Kekambas were smashed by our top scoring team of the week, The Mint. If we doubled your score you’d still be down by 20, if we just gave you an extra 100 points you’d still have lost by 2. This was epic as Saquon and JT finally got on the same page and outscored your entire team as a duo. Turn the page already to week 9 where you face off against Cobra in a very closely projected match. Amon-Ra on his bye week last week didn’t help and it didn’t matter. But now that he’s well rested, I’m putting it all on his back. Amon-Ra goes off and we will have an upset that will reshape the current playoff picture and more importantly, my Power Rankings.
7 (TIE). Quinshon and Friends
You got lucky boy but you’re finally rising a bit in the rankings. You talk more shit than a Port-a-Potty repair man. You beat me, we shook hands, let’s prep for a meeting in the playoffs. No one wants to hear about week 8 so let’s talk 9. This week you’re heavily favored against hit or miss EbarMedia who is so reliant on luck that he has no Running Back to fill his bye week. I feel another W on it’s way to you this week. Week 8 finally got you in playoff position, week 9 should be a big boost towards it, unless….
7 (TIE). Team EbarMedia
Unless the Cowboy squad here can Cowboy up. This fucker just won’t listen. Live and die with the Cowboys offense, fine. But the defense? Come on man, how many negative outings do you need to finally move on? Apparently the number isn’t 3 because that’s how many they had given you going into this week, is it 4 because that’s how many they’ve given you now? Year to date the Cowboys defense has netted you a total of negative 4 point. This rank tie will definitely be broken.
- Team TheMint1
A big W for the Mint against the Kekambas evened up their records and will serve as a tie breaker if it stays that way and they can get to playoff contention. With the highest score you are our top Bulldog of the week. Saquon is on bye this week but JT does the work of 2 so you should be fine and let’s hope so because a loss to our repeatedly lowest ranked team, DMO, will not look good on your resume’ when you’re fighting for a playoff spot in the coming weeks.
- Dixon Yamada
Dixon Yamada squeaked by our first and only 1000 point team of the year, Nakua Matata. You were our lowest scoring winning team of the week in a 2024 Kekamba like effort as you faced them the only week they haven’t scored in triple digits. Move on to this week where you face a Dolphin’s Country squad that is in bye week and injury shambles. It will be more impressive if you find a way to lose this one than win it.
- The Visitors
I lost, I prepared all week to have Lamar and took one on the chin. Just like the Bears. Whatever, if the season ended today I’d still be in the show which is the only goal.
- Marion Cobra Cobretti
Finally climbing the rankings after a big win against our worse team. Not much to talk about here that hasn’t been said about this ass kicking so let’s preview week 9 which has already started. And not a great start but not terrible from Zay. You’re pretty much 50/50 in the projections and the last time that happened, Quinshon and his delightful friends took a Cleveland Steamer on you to the tune of 193 and a half. Cuchillos and Matata is my matchup of the week but the Cobra against his nemesis and now the only owner you have never beat in the post merger RBFFL, Kekambas is a close second.
- Nakua Matata
Matata fell to bye week hell. The only thing worse than losing to Dixon Yamada is losing to soft Dixon Yamada. You put up your first double digit score of the year and it cost you the top rank. Already said it though this was a bye week anomaly but week 9 is going to be a battle to the death with Cuchillos. I expect you 2 to combine for the highest score of the week the only question remaining is who will be the one celebrating at the end of it?
- Electric Boogaloo
Back on top after the easy win against EbarMedia that has already been well talked about. Honestly even if the Cowgals had tried to play football I feel the outcome would have been the same. Let’s talk about us though. We face off this week in what should be a close battle and a possible playoff preview. I’m off to a good start with my top selected QB back on the field but nothing is decided yet and you’re still the projected winner as I write. I’m hoping to make some alien themed cover art for next week. Welcome back to the top of the heap and let’s not have these rankings so late again, am I right?